Crafting Gentleness

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Gentle Feelings

We did an exercise the other night as part of my breathwork course, where we discussed how we handle our feelings.

I had a lovely realisation that I have some general assumptions that help me process my "destructive" feelings (anger, sad, frustration) gently – and that because I rely so muchon the relationships I create (community work/Leadership) I cannot afford to destroy them at the will of a feeling passing through, but to bottle the feeling means it only comes back stronger. So these assumptions have become powerful tools in gently letting the feelings pass through....

Let me share:
Assumption
1) I never have all the information. So before jumping to a conclusion about why X happened (ie they weren’t thinking, they are inconsiderate, they are a power freak, ….) I ask ‘why did you do that?
Assumption
2) The other person is doing the best they can with what they’ve got, ie their good intent may be badly delivered, but it’s still good intent. So I approach with gratitude (ie I understand you meant well but this is how I experienced it)

Assumption
3) I will be looked after. That everything happens for a reason, and I may not know it at the time but I can assume that since I approach the world with good intent therefore the world has good intent for me – even if I don’t know what it is yet…. (loop back to one)

The only time I ever lose it (get when anger/sadness/frustration turns to rage... (ie no longer useful and instructive and more destructive) is when a) the other person does not assume my good intent and b) the other person pushes me when I am asking for space (so I begin to no longer assume their good intent, since I am asking for what I need and not getting it). Even so I can loop back to 1) eventually….over time... unless it happens again and again... then it's a deal breaker (I cannot be gentle anymore, do not like myself in that state so end the relationship).

Does that make sense?

Hugs Soooz

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