Inner Swearing Is Not Gentleness

Tonight I want to write about gentleness to help me find it. I was calm, deep breathing, quite balanced in my body at work all day. This evening as my tiredness mounts I attack the mountain of dishes in the kitchen without much sublety, presence or gentleness at all. I do a rather schlock job, with loud clanks and bangs. Impatient. Sighing. Inner swearing.

I am not an expert on gentleness. Sometimes I can flow through the simple delights and ordinary moments of life with a gentle heart but it is not a constant inner state for me. Feeling like I have "too much to do" often feels like a form of inner violence....a pushing and a willing that creates stress, not gentleness.