Crafting Gentleness

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Inner Swearing Is Not Gentleness

Tonight I want to write about gentleness to help me find it. I was calm, deep breathing, quite balanced in my body at work all day. This evening as my tiredness mounts I attack the mountain of dishes in the kitchen without much sublety, presence or gentleness at all. I do a rather schlock job, with loud clanks and bangs. Impatient. Sighing. Inner swearing.

I am not an expert on gentleness. Sometimes I can flow through the simple delights and ordinary moments of life with a gentle heart but it is not a constant inner state for me. Feeling like I have "too much to do" often feels like a form of inner violence....a pushing and a willing that creates stress, not gentleness.

2 Comments:

  • Hi Shelley,

    I've really been enjoying your posts, especially this one. For a moment I thought it was Anthony, and just couldn't place the language to him... then I laughed.

    Today I too am tired, I am sensitive and I am NOT gentle. I realise that there's only so much energy to go around and after a dogey laksa last night - the body is not fuelled correctly so I'm sad, irritable and heavy.

    Your post made me realise that in this state, anything that stands between me and bed, quiet time, me time, ...ie recuperation, I am not gentle with. Last night my dinner companion kept insisting on another 10 minutes of my time, and another and gradually but surely the 'gentle' barrier (visualise a sturdy gate) had been reached and the bull terrier was released.*g* Thankfully these days my inner bull terrier is quite obediant, no longer attacks but instead barks a NO and runs away. Still it leaves me with a not so nice taste. Why didn't I just say "No sorry I'm not up for it" or "how about tomorrow instead" or any other number of things, before we reached the gate.

    Anyway I'm visualising your situation and wondering if it's true for you too, that what stands between you and rest makes you not so gentle...what might it have been like if you'd left the dishes or perhaps even have taken them to bed with you and together you could have been messy and unravelled (ie how I feel today).


    Hugs,
    Soooz

    By Blogger Soooz, at Wednesday, 23 August, 2006  

  • Thank-you Soooz, I lke your advice advice about rest.

    By Blogger Shelley, at Saturday, 26 August, 2006  

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