Crafting Gentleness

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Growing Pains

I have accepted a promotion at work. I earned it, but have recently found I am experiencing growing pains… my back is out. I’m dreading moving forward, but still desperately want to do so.

So at home, I’m completing old jobs that haven’t been done in years. I am installing a bed in my place (a lovely new one, one I’ve wanted for ages) but I have found myself attached to the old bed (a couple of pieces of wood on the floor).

I have also put in for an electronic pass for my car, through all the Sydney tolls, but again it feels weird to be able to afford it, I have got so used to avoiding tolls, or scrabbling for money if I take them. I’ve made the commitment to myself to not penny pinch to be ‘comfortable’ but it’s not sitting comfortable with me just yet.

I have been not so financial lately. Now I am financial – and yet I miss the penny pinching, the making do, the creative solutions…

I am certain I will find the creative in this new status, I think I might sponsor a child or something, but the sand hasn’t settled yet.

I went to the osteopath this morning. I call him a ‘neck whisperer’. He gently moves your limbs and neck and talks soothingly and instead of a big crack there’s a gentle slotting into place. I cried for half an hour after the manipulation. Perhaps my back pain is just holding, being brave, holding on not crying like a ‘good girl’…

I have made a commitment to myself to cry a little more on the weekend…. As I put my new bed up, install my toll pass, and as I make space for the new, more financially together me… I want to travel next year and for the first time since I got my mortgage this is becoming possible.

Perhaps it’s a little death, I'm grieving, the old must pass, I’ve been kinda forcing myself onwards though and realise I need to go a bit more gently….



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